October 18, 2006

Geek Interregnum

Well, after a weekend of being sick and therefore interested in nothing much more than a warm meal and avoiding drafts, followed by losing my mind slowly over questions taxonomic with a healthy side of Serious Politics, it's time for a little fun.

First off, The Onion attempts to lighten the hearts of all those of us white-knuckling it into the final stretch of election season with an article that, in spirit at least, will make most political junkies twitch with at least some level of uncomfortable recognition. I Can't Stop Thinking About The Foreign-Policy Discussion We Had In The Shower Yesterday:

... People at the office have been looking at me funny because I'm all flushed and disheveled. What am I supposed to tell them, that I just had the most fantastic and mind-blowing shower session discussing the inevitable failure of our attempts to diplomatically isolate Iran? Yeah, right. ...

Stephen Colbert tried his best to help the GOP relax, and those guys have probably got to be deep in the Valium by now, by illustrating how the Russian doll media scandal cycle gives them an out on the Foley thing. There will be personal sacrifice involved, though. Dennis Hastert, regrettably, will have to kill someone.

I checked out TBogg too, for surely (and the cranial integrity of the next man I hear give the knee-jerk response to that phrase is in serious damn peril,) if you want to laugh because the alternatives are too much to bear, he's your guy. Or, normally, anyway. What have we got here? Hmmm, a recommendation for a book called The Road, with the quote, "The ponderous counterspectacle of things ceasing to be." Not funny. Next. Oh, this is promising, some guy being dumber than toast in public. NY Times columnist John Tierney suggesting that Sam Walton has done more for the poor than recent Nobel Peace Prize winner Muhammad Yunus. Though that's really just painful in a rubbernecker at a crash sort of way. Where's the funny st... oh, oh yeah, baby. Senator Rick Santorum making Lord of the Rings analogies to describe Iraq in a recent interview. That was worth putting up with a whole day full of ponderous counterspectacles for.

Republicans: We've lost the soccer moms, the security moms, most of the veterans, the Tony Blair fans, the gay-haters, the Dobson fans (but I repeat myself) and the NASCAR dads. I know, I know, we'll go after ... umm ... the geek vote. And shut up for a couple weeks about the net neutrality thing, the warrantless wiretapping and the database fishing expeditions, could you?

And then, I stumbled across this SEO Egghead post on geek love. Or rather, what happens when it goes wrong. 403 Forbidden: A Geek’s Guide to Rejection. You can click over to read the originals, but I was inspired, so I offer you my own versions of some popular HTTP protocol errors and their translations into relationship-speak, more or less as reposted from comments over there plus a few additions. I ask you, what good is suffering if you can't scrub it of incriminating evidence against third parties and turn it to the benefit of the reading public:

101 Switching Protocols
"I just want some distance right now."

203 Non-Authoritative Information (alternate)
“I didn’t lie. … About anything important.”

300 Multiple Choices
“What, you didn’t know I was still dating other girls?”

400 Bad Request
"I'll think about it if you come to church with me." Alternately, "I only pray here for the nookie."

404 Not Found
"I'll call you."

405 Method Not Allowed
“You love your blog/politics/tech thing more than me.”

407 Proxy Authentication Required
“Come on, you know how I feel about you.”

412 Precondition Failed
“What do you mean you won’t shave there?”

415 Unsupported Media Type
“What’s with the sci-fi crap all the time?”

503 Out of Resources
“I can't deal with this right now.”

504 Gateway Time-Out
"Do you know what time I have to get up tomorrow?"

505 HTTP Version not supported
“You didn’t think this was serious, did you?”

The accompanying soundtrack for my midweek entertainment is brought to you in part by good recommendations from other bloggers and in the other part, the antics of two incarnate subjects of the element water in its mutable and cardinal aspects:

1. Real Live Love - Jess Klein
2. David - Nellie Mckay
3. Puttin' People On The Moon - Drive By Truckers
4. 16 Military Wives - The Decemberists
5. Man Of Constant Sorrow - Soggy Bottom Boys
6. Take You On A Cruise - Interpol
7. Down By The Water - PJ Harvey
8. No Mermaid - Sinead Lohan
9. I'll Take The Rain - R.E.M.
10. The Coast - Paul Simon

"We went down to the edge of the water, you were afraid to go in. You said there might be sharks out there in the ocean, and I said I'm only going for a swim." - No Mermaid by Sinead Lohan

Posted by natasha at October 18, 2006 02:32 AM | Random Mumblings | Technorati links |