October 05, 2004

Uh-oh.

Al Qaeda May Be Controlling Mt. St. Helens, Warns White House

The Administration raised the nation's terror alert status to "red" as it announced that the seismic activity under Mt. Saint Helens was probably induced by Al Qaeda operatives based in Seattle.

"This is what the nation gets for favoring John Kerry in the debate last week," said White House spokesman Scott McClellan, sternly shaking his finger at the assembled journalists. "Clearly, the terrorist community saw the Democratic victory as a sign of weakness, and felt free to move forward with this diabolical plan."

A second long tremor early Sunday and an increase in volcanic gases strongly suggest magma is moving inside, researchers from the U.S. Geological Survey said. The mountain's alert was raised to Level 3, the highest possible, after a volcanic tremor was detected Saturday for the first time since before the mountain's 1980 eruption.

"The evidence is pretty clear," McClellan explained. "Osama Bin Laden is a major terrorist bent on world domination. Terrorists bent on world domination are fond of grandiose, destructive plans such as detonating volcanoes. Logically, the eruption of this volcano must be the work of a terrorist."

Nah, it's not true. But it doesn't strike us as much sillier than administration warnings to be on the look-out for people carrying almanacs.

You can read the rest of this silliness here, at the Watley Review.

More: One of the comments is so good that we're adding it to the main post. Jack K. adds:

...no, no, it really does tie all together. Some of them Al Qaida fellers got their hands on an almanac and discovered Mt. St. Helens, and they're using...oh, I don't know...anthrax spores or dirty bombs to build the magmatic pressure under the current lava dome. The ensuing catastrophic ash eruption is certain to bury...um..well tens of acres of central Washington wheatfield stubble, causing the global collapse of the wheat stubble somethingorother industry...it's an insidious plan...

Posted by Magpie at October 5, 2004 03:47 PM | Humor | Technorati links |
Comments

...no, no, it really does tie all together. Some of them Al Qaida fellers got their hands on an almanac and discovered Mt. St. Helens, and they're using...oh, I don't know...anthrax spores or dirty bombs to build the magmatic pressure under the current lava dome. The ensuing catastrophic ash eruption is certain to bury...um..well tens of acres of central Washington wheatfield stubble, causing the global collapse of the wheat stubble somethingorother industry...it's an insidious plan...

Posted by: Jack K. at October 5, 2004 04:31 PM