Pacific Views

Daily Show On Iraqi Sovereignty

Heard on 'The Daily Show', June 28th, 2004.

Jon Stewart: ...Say what you will about the Coalition Provisional Authority, but when they set an arbitrary deadline for a symbolic gesture, they mean it. For more on it, we go out to our Baghdad bureau chief, Rob Corddry...

Rob Corddry: ...Jon, what a magnificent day. From this moment forward, all Iraqis will know June 28th, 2004 as Iraqi re-establishment of partial control over ministerial functioning of state bureaucracy day. Jon, as one excited Iraqi gentleman put it to me yesterday, "So wait, we get what back now?"

JS: Rob, were you at all surprised at the timing of this?

RC: A little bit, Jon. As well as things have been going, I thought sovereignty would be returned a week to 10 days early. But, they really, really wanted to get it right. it's a complicated process, Jon. it's not just about signing a document and getting on a plane.

JS: Really, ummm... So what exactly, what else is there?

RC: Uh, there's packing.. They had to pack, Jon. But the point is, Jon, the U.S. is no longer the occupying power in Iraq.

JS: Well, then what are we?

RC: We are invited guests.

JS: And our troops?

RC: Tourists, Jon. Armed tourists spending a semester abroad.

JS: Well Rob, were there any setbacks in the actual transfer itself?

RC: There was a slight hitch at the very end of the process, Jon. The U.S. had a little trouble getting it's security deposit back. Apparently there was an issue of a few holes the Iraqis found. Some rubble they say wasn't there when the U.S. moved in. But I gotta tell you, any country is gonna have wear and tear over a 15 month period. ...

JS: ...Rob, the new government is finally in place, what's the next step?

RC: Well as you know Jon, it's Independence Day. So right now we're fortifying some of the barriers inside the Green Zone for what many believe will be a deadly night of fireworks. Jon.

JS: ...Bremer left so fast, the new government's first task will be repairing the Bremer shaped hole he left in the wall. But Bremer didn't leave before taking care of some last minute odds and ends.

Like completely changing the Iraqi legal code to include 97 new edicts on subjects ranging from the death penalty to the Iraqi tax rate. Which he says can be no higher, now, than 15%. And also, this is true, drivers can only use their horns in the case of an emergency, and must always keep both hands on the wheel. Because, God forbid, you lose control of the car while you're driving into an embassy.

Bremer also forbid certain people, such as those with ties to militias, from running for office. Sadly, even L. Paul Bremer was unable to think of a way to stop Nader from runnnig. Word is, [Nader] may cost Allawi Falluja...

Posted by natasha at June 29, 2004 11:51 PM | Iraq | TrackBack(1) | Technorati links |