June 28, 2004

Breaking the Evil Overlord Rules

Thanks to reader Darryl Pearce, I was directed to the Evil Overlord List, wherein is recorded the top 100 things that anyone who plans to take over the world should never do. As suggested, I thought it would be fun to see if Bush has broken any of the cardinal rules...

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

Clearly, these guys are bigger amateurs than was immediately clear. I'd replace rule 12 with the following: If the collective efforts of a group of cult science fiction film fans comes up with better guidelines than you for strategic planning, you may not be cut out for Evil Overlordship.

Posted by natasha at June 28, 2004 06:41 AM | US Politics | Technorati links |

I, of course, seem to be trapped by rule #100:

Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.


Posted by: Darryl Pearce at June 28, 2004 04:58 PM